Blog 24 of 30
It was interesting and enlightening to meet with various film stars and sport stars. But if one were to assume that working in the field of HIV and in the development sector, was all about such interactions and meetings in coffee shops and one would be sadly mistaken. In fact, while I found some of these interactions entertaining the ones that truly left an impact on me were many many others.
The first thing I learned when I started working in this field, was never to ask how a person contracted HIV. To many of us it is the first instinct to ask “how?” And then most of us would probably pass judgement if the person contracted it through sexual intercourse. But as I saw more and more people, both adults and children, I learned to see beyond all that.
I remember talking to a young boy when his father died, and he told me what a wonderful father he had been. He did not talk about his father’s many sexual partners. Instead, he talked about how he provided for the family, spent time with the children, encouraged his son’s dreams to study and went into debt himself so that his children could lead better lives. That was all that mattered to the boy – that he had been a great father. Over time I learned to see beyond their HIV status or the reason for their HIV status.
They were people like all of us. Human beings make mistakes no doubt and sometimes pay a price for that mistake. But at the end of the day, they are still fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, and are in their own way, wonderful people. When we judge them, we display our lack of awareness, for life cannot be defined in black and white, for there are many shades of grey.
I think the story that really put it in perspective for me was of a young man I met in Bangalore. He worked in an NGO and told me about how as a young boy in college he got an engaged when he was in his final year. He and his friends started discussing the first night, and he went into panic. On the last day of college, like most students do, they had a little too much to drink and ended up with sex workers.
Many years later when his child was born and diagnosed as HIV positive it was traced back to him, and his college encounter. His life changed – his wife left him, his parents abandoned him, his in-laws threw him out, his community ostracized him and yet he found it in his heart to bounce back, to pick himself up and join an NGO where he could help others like him in their time of need. This left such a mark on my mind, as I had two young boys in college, and I often thought – “there but for the grace of God go I.”
I met with so many people, and every story touched me and touched me deeply. Perhaps what moved me beyond all else was their ability to cope, to deal with their challenges, to go beyond them and find a reason to live, a reason for happiness and a reason to smile. Perhaps we have become too quick to judge, too quick to point fingers and too quick to define how things should be. For when we learn to appreciate life in all its shades, learn to have just have a little human compassion for others, we may learn to have more compassion for ourselves.
Ripples Of Life and Time 