Celebrating Life

Blog 25 of 30

Today the papers are full of information about homosexuality, gay pride and the rights of transgenders. An awareness is growing that we must respect them as people no matter what their preferences or who they are or where they come from. But back in 2000’s there was not much awareness; the internet was minimal and social media was practically nonexistent. I was brought up fairly sheltered and although I had heard of these things, they barely mattered in my day-to-day life.

The closest I ever came to understanding these issues was this young man who sat in front of me in philosophy class. He had beautiful, thick long hair and would experiment with new hair styles every day. I admired his hair and tried to copy the hair styles, but other than exchanging a few words we hardly interacted. He was gay and had a boyfriend, who I had met, but beyond I did not think of these issues. So, when I joined the Hero’s Project, I was naturally nervous. I was encouraged meet with representatives of what is very dispassionately called MAR groups or Most at-Risk Groups.

These included transgenders, sex workers, migrant labourers and MSMs, another dispassionate abbreviation that encompasses a whole range of feelings and emotions. MSM stood for men who have sex with men.

I was a little tense at first wondering what they would be like, how I should react, how I should behave. And then I met was David Gere, Richard Gere’s brother and a professor at UCLA. A charming young man he talked to me about how he picked up a few Kreeda games so he and his partner could play with their children. His life seems so normal, so every day, it got me thinking what the fuss was all about. I was to meet many other homosexuals in the course of my work and found them simple people with dreams like ours and no reason to single them out in any manner or destroy their lives simply because of their personal preferences.

I think in a large part it is our fear of the unknown, that lack of knowledge and awareness that makes us react the way we do. Years later I was to meet a young HIV+ve boy studying in college. His neighbors had mocked his dreams and told him he going to die of HIV, and did not need to study. When I counseled him, he was quick to point out that it was merely ignorance, and fear that drove the neighbors and some amount of resentment that their own child was not studying. It made me think more and more that some of our greatest animosities stem from our own fears, feelings, and ignorance and perhaps the best way to deal with them, is to understand the issues, educate ourselves and deal with people like people.

My interaction with transgenders was no different. I realized many of them had grown up in good homes but had been ostracized by their families who could not accept them. They were forced to live on the streets, turning to begging and prostitution, upset, irate, angry at society that disowned them and could not accept them for who they are. I wondered how would I react if I was treated that?  

In spite of all that they had faced I met many who were so keen to give back to society, to help each other and perhaps the one who stands out in my mind is Noorie – a transgender who set up a home for children with HIV, brought them up, educated them and cared for them like her own. She always has my deepest respect.

Interestingly she would always comment on the fact that I used to color coordinate my sarees, my earnings, and my bangles. She would admire them and tell me how lovely they looked. Initially it surprised me, but over the years it grew to be like any interaction with another young woman.

But perhaps the most heart breaking of all stories I heard was from this pretty young girl, barely 5 feet tall, with gorgeous eyes, lovely skin and lustrous black hair. She was nearly twenty and had a three old boy, she wanted to educate. She was a sex worker who has been sold by her mother into the sex trade. It is easy to blame the parent but, the mother had six other children, her husband had died, and she had no money. Desperation makes people do terrible things, and I am often reminded of the words so wonderfully sung by Jim Reeves:

You’ve never walked in that man’s shoes,

Or seen things through his eyes,

Or stood and watched with helpless hands,

While the heart inside you dies.

Those words stayed with me during many of these interactions and every time I would come back home and think about how fortunate I had been. Many of my friends would ask me whether working in this field depressed me, but on the contrary, it energized me. When I met people who had so little, who were disowned, shunned, and ostracized, who had faced poverty, hardship and stigma and found that they still had the strength to dream, to live and to laugh, I had no reason to feel depressed. Since I had been given so much, I needed to ensure that I made the most of my life and celebrated every minute.